Netivot Olam I class 1: Netiv Koach Hayetzer

[Moderator]

Rebbetzin Heller speaks about the difference between being patronizing and being compassionate when understanding others' challenges.  How can this be applied to our interactions with our peers?  What is the appropriate way to help a friend, neighbor, or colleague recognize areas in which they must improve?  It is it appropriate to try to point out another person's flaws to them at all?

[Jenna1]

Rebbetzin Heller spoke about a person being "in despair" and the only way to fill the lack is through the Torah which is perfect.  I'm curious to know if there is a point at which a depressed person can use Torah as a crutch and not be getting proper treatment for depression because they are turning to Torah. 

Thank you!

[Jenna1]

Based on the class by Rebbetzin Heller, I would answer the moderator's questions in the following way.  I think the best way to be able to be compassionate to others, is through giving to them.  Rebbetzin Heller said it "awakens the compassion in us". 

If hatred and compassion are incompatible, it would seem that being compassionate with a friend, would be even more powerful.  So, if you're trying to help someone work on an issue, it seems that i would be best to establish a relationship (through giving) where they know you really care.  At that point, you can suggest things and they'll know it's coming from the right place.  But, I think it's still important to be very subtle and go slowly.  Like the stone that Rebbetzin Heller talks about - work away at the stone very very slowly.

Thank you again!
Jenna

[Dara1]

I like that she spoke about how a divisive person can create "an atmosphere of judgment". It's important to remember that all the small things you do determine who you'll be an the decisions you'll make. If you make a series of smaller decisions knowing that at the end of it you'll be face with a very difficult decisions (much harder to say "no" or "yes" whatever it is) Then ultimately you are responsible for that b/c you purposefully put yourself where temptation is too great, too easy, in the wrong direction.
So by your good deeds and good words you create a different atmosphere. And by removing divisive people clear that atmosphere, however there is a fine line, difficult and challenging that you want to have a positive impact on another person. Especially if it's a friend that you see is starting to go the wrong direction. I think a good way to mention things to another is to see when they do something positive away from the negative action you can say "oh you did 'blah so well' I noticed lately you haven't been." This way the response is likely going to be "yeah, i've been trying" or "really? I do that?"