Netivot Olam II class 10

[miriam4]

okay - BIG question for Reb. Heller.
I know this is totally NOT the main point of the class, but Maharal's discussion about "bas" left me with a lot of questions. I'm familiar with the male/female mashpia/mekabel dynamic from other classes, but it was always is the context of marriage. I'm very uncomfortable with this application for several reasons. Firstly, even if our identity is bound up in our husbands, we can still say that we have we have some kind of self-determination because we CHOOSE to whether or not to be married, and we choose our marriage partners. Additionally, the relationship is reciprocal and therefore balanced. That is NOT the case in a father-daughter relationship. I don't think you need to be a radical feminist to be bothered by the fact that a father can sell his daughter, but not a son. And if a bas is an even greater extension of her father then a ben, why doesn't she inherit her father, at least spiritually? Or are we saying that a bas isn't even a being, much like the way Reb. Heller explained the bas kol which is Hashem's voice.

Doesn't a woman  have an independent "self"? Is there ever autonomy? Is her life a series of relationships that determine who she is and what her life will be? Why can't she just "be"?