questions about balancing a womens role

[Nechamah]

Dear Rebbetins Heller,
You spoke about being  in eviornment where you are not respected, and you have often spoken about using what a husband can provide.  When a man has no parnosa to give he is by nature very depressed and often wants to bring down the people around him. This infects the younger children and they reflect his negativity.  As the sole breadwinner in the house (by the advice of a gadol), I find it very hard to come home to an enviornment of negativity and funtion despite my tiredness and the lack of physical needs and keep a positive enviornment in the house.  I have been davening for Hashem to send him Parnasah for almost 10 years, and my husband tells me I just have to have bituchon.  Mentally I can accept this but physically I find mysel collapsing and neglecting the house and children. Not by choice, but by default, and constant illnesses that seem to result from the tension.

[Chana4]

Forgive me if I've gotten this to the wrong location.  I'm afraid I find the Forum's organization not so intuitive.  Such great questions!  Such subtle responses!  I was heartened to hear that so many very sincere women are struggling--which means at least we're not giving up.

Are you going to do this again?  Because (heh-heh) I wanted to ask a question, but I was too tired to figure out what to write down.

Again, the combination of absolute honesty and the commitment to finding a positive solution was just so encouraging. Kol haKavod to Rbbtzn Heller AND to her most eloquent, articulate, honest, and G-d fearing questioners.  I feel honored to be in your midst.

[Tzippy2]

Yes, Chana, we will try to do another round of questions wth Rebbetzin Heller and other members f our staff, perhaps next month, B'Ezrat Hashem.  Send in your questions to contact@naaleh.com, and we will save them for our next round of questions and answers with Rebbetzin Heller.

[Chana4]

Nechama--Have you spoken to the gadol in question regarding your situation 10 years down the road?  Maybe,given your physicl exhaustion and frustration, the situation has changed.  Rabbanim are usually very accustomed to taking personal situations and the changes in them into account.  Eitzot, like a doctor's prescription, are determined and calculated in a particular dosage with a particular formula, and often for a given period of time.  If it no longer seems to be effective, maybe it's time for another consultation.  May G-d give you koach and courage to continue seeking out His path for you.